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4/27/2015 12 Comments

Defining myself.

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The other day after yoga class, a student of mine named Joe said to me, " I really love seeing the look on your face at the end of class. It is an expression of pure joy. You look the way you make us feel."

Tears came to my eyes instantly. Joe and I were both surprised by my reaction. He immediately apologized for making me cry. I told Joe that I was moved to tears by his comment because his well timed words answered the question that I had been asking myself a lot lately. That question was, "Am I doing enough?" 

For the past 25 years, my main job has been to raise my four amazing children. Thanks to my very hard working and generous husband, I have been blessed with the ability to work because I want to, not because I have to. Having this choice is something that I am always grateful for. Sometimes however, having this choice leaves me confused and wondering if being a stay at home mom and part time yoga teacher is enough.

As my kids grow up, they need me less and less. Although I I still have a twelve year old daughter at home and my college aged boys are around in the summer, I can see my "full time mom job" coming to an end.
The prospect of having no kids at home to take care of leaves me sad, scared, and wondering what I will be when my full time mom job is over. In other words, how will I define myself when I can no longer call myself somebody's mom?

My fearful mind starts to spin out of control when I think of my future and my new full time job as a part time yoga instructor. I start to scold myself, "I should be doing something that makes more money. I should go back to school and become a physical therapist. I should get a real job, and do something important with my life." 

What I am really saying is,  "I have no value if I don't make money. If I went back to school and became something, I would feel really good about myself. Is teaching yoga a "real job?"
 
When I stop to think about my emotional reaction to my observant student's comment, I realize that the question that I had been asking myself a lot lately wasn't really, "Am I doing enough?".  What I have really been wondering when faced with the second half of my life is, "Am I enough?". In other words... Am I enough when I can no longer hide behind my identity as a mom of four kids.

Joe's observation affirmed to me what I already know deep inside. I am already enough. Not because I can define myself as a yoga teacher, or a mother, or a physical therapist. I am enough because I am a human being with the ability to give love, joy, and kindness to others. That is all I need to do. 

If I decide to go back to school or get a "real" job after my kids grow up, it won't be to define myself, it will be because I want to continue to learn and grow. 

For now, there is nothing that is more important and beautiful to me than the joy that I give AND receive from being a full time mother and a part time yoga teacher.  
12 Comments
Maggie Pinque link
4/27/2015 01:40:24 am

YES. YOU. ARE.

You are one of the most beautiful women on the planet - inside and outside. The way you make others feel - that joy - is something few can do as magically as you do.

You keep on shining bright, sharing what you love, and being proud of the people you have raised.

They aren't fabulous be accident.

I miss you terribly!

All love,
xo

Reply
Candace
4/27/2015 02:52:55 am

road block over....love you sissy❤️❤️

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Jeannie
4/27/2015 06:01:01 am

Beautiful! Love!

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Bonnie
4/27/2015 10:57:48 am

Beautiful. You are more than enough. Your heart fills a room with calmness, love and encouragement. Namaste.

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Jenny
4/27/2015 01:21:52 pm

Don't forget amazing aunt and friend! Those jobs and being a mom never ends!! I need my mom more at 33 then I have since I can remember.

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Nisha
4/27/2015 05:40:03 pm

I could not put into words what you just did. I think all women face this at some point. Are we worthy -- who are we now-- What is my definition?
It's an honest question. I am so glad you found such a warm & honest answer.

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amy luke
4/28/2015 01:43:58 am

Thank you Cara! This is so beautifully expressed. You are enough...seems like a common theme for us all. 'Being' joy, love & compassion is, in all ways, more than enough.

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Kathy
4/28/2015 06:34:28 am

You are more than Enough!!! Great Mom kind fun generous!! :)

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Donna
4/28/2015 11:05:32 pm

I once thought that my purpose in life was to teach the deaf. I did so for 34 years and when I retired, I struggled with mixed feelings. I wondered if I had been a success or failure in my lifelong career choice, if I had I truly chosen the right career or simply wasted all of those years. I then read somewhere that your career isn't who you are, it is what you chose to do with your time. I cannot tell you the freedom that this thought has given me. If you think about it, your career is such a small part of the big picture of who you really are. I no longer define myself or my life by saying that I was a teacher of the deaf for it doesn't even begin to define me.
To quote one of my favorites, author Elizabeth Gilbert, "You are enough. You are so enough it is unbelievable how enough you are."

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Lisa Hunter-Fazio
5/1/2015 03:46:38 pm

You are amazing Cara. I would love nothing more than seeing you again. We still have the condo at myrtle....I will be going often since Chase will be attending Coastal Carolina.. Need to see my pwenna, i have missed you. A & B too!!!

Reply
Adrienne
7/14/2015 06:10:25 am

What a beautiful mirror you have expressed in this post. I thank Wisdom and Clarity for shining through you. Loving ourselves honestly and thoroughly right where we are is the only way to effectively be. I'm receiving an overabundance of this realization now in my life.

A book I recently read that really spelled it out for me ,
The Four Agreements, has helped me to see that the lovingness I want to see in others and to give to others has to first be given to myself from me! Comparing ourselves to anyone else and what we perceive they are only harms us.

The realization that I am enough because I love, express joy, and kindness and Always Do the Best I Can in loving myself and others is the best realization. One we need to remember daily.

Reply
cara
7/14/2015 10:51:50 am

Very well said, thank you. I love the Four Agreements. I think I'll read it again!

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    Cara Sax    
    Yoga Teacher ERYT 200
    Holistic Health Counselor
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