A few years ago, when I got into my car after teaching a yoga class, I was unlucky enough to discover shards of broken glass covering my passenger seat.
After a brief moment of confusion, I realized that someone had taken a screwdriver to the frame of the window and shattered the glass in an attempt to steal whatever they could find in my car.
After my mind caught up and I realized what happened, I reported the theft to the police and to the health club CEO. Both of them said to me, "how is it that you are so calm?"
Mahatma Ghandhi said, "I will not allow anyone to walk through my mind with their dirty feet."
I don't claim to be anything at all like Ghandhi but, I was also unwilling to allow anyone to walk through my mind and leave their muddy footprints. Taking a step back and pausing allowed me to put it all into perspective, and be happy that no one was hurt and the damage that was done could be fixed.
Had I reacted by taking it personally, indignantly cursing the unfairness of what had been "done to me", I would be allowing another person to determine my state of mind. Remembering that another person's actions have nothing to do with me, helps me to stay rooted in my own center as opposed to being yanked this way and that because of someone else's choices.
While I can't even imagine destructing someone else's property or stealing money from someone, I have been fortunate enough in my life to never be in a situation that required desperate measures such as those. Having compassion for the person who violated my property was another way that I could respond instead of reacting.
Baron Baptiste says, "We don't really have experiences in life, we have reactions to experiences." In other words, "things don't happen to us, they happen in and of themselves, and what we do is react to them."
If it had been someone else's car that was broken into, the experience of a broken window would be the same, but my reaction would be very different. So according to Baptiste, what we experience in our day to day lives are just a bunch of reactions. With this knowledge, we can choose our responses instead of reacting out of habit. When we choose to live this way, our lives will be much more peaceful.
Choosing to stay and breathe and be non reactive doesn't mean that I live without feelings or emotions, but it means that I am responsible and able to make a choice of how to respond to the experiences in my life in a healthy and life affirming way.
The next time life hands you something that you wouldn't choose for yourself, remember the quote by Charles Swindoll that says, "life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it" . Choosing to respond in a non reactive way makes your inner and outer world more peaceful.
There is a school district in Encinitas, CA that received a grant from the Pattabhi Jois foundation to bring twice weekly yoga classes to the students. According to the superintendent, it was part of a mainstream physical education program to promote fitness and overall health to the students in the district.
Some parents were angry about it claiming that the school was pushing a religion on the kids.
Yoga is not a religion. It is actually a philosophy. A way to train the body and mind to become aware of the self. It is also a spiritual practice, if you choose to use it as such. The most common use for yoga in the United States, I would guess, would be as a physical practice. To get in better shape, build strength, tone, and flexibility.
What's great about yoga is that it allows YOU to decide what purpose it will serve. It is open to all, no matter what God you believe in or don't believe in.
So what is the difference between religion and spirituality?
Spirituality is a way of discovering our true nature and finding a connection between ourselves and all that surrounds us. This can help us to find a deeper meaning to life. Spirituality and Religion each promote qualities of kindness, compassion, community, and service.
To me, religion is spirituality in a structured setting. It has specific traditions and teachings that create rituals for people to follow. This can be good and help people to find connection, support and community, as well as an institution that they feel committed to and responsible for. If it becomes too rigid, however, religion can create division and separation between institutions and people.
The earliest spiritual teachers like Jesus and Buddha didn't attempt to create a religion. They didn't say , "do exactly as I say" or "my way is the only way!", instead they encouraged people to look within to find their own truth.
So if you feel a bit separated from your religion, or you are wondering how yoga fits in to your spiritual life, you can use yoga to enhance your personal beliefs and spiritual nature. Each time you come to your mat to practice, you are making a commitment to discover your perfect and Divine self.
When my kids were little, I bought them a rabbit. Two weeks after we got him, he got really sick. With labored breath and eyes half closed, he laid in his cage, too sick to move. I was pretty sure that if I left him alone he would eventually die, but I felt terrible watching him suffer.
I thought to myself, "I'll take him to the vet and they will put him out of his misery."
We were on a very limited budget at the time so I also thought, "I hope it doesn't cost too much."
After the doctor tenderly examined the rabbit, he said, "I can keep him overnight for IV antibiotics and observation."
I thought to myself, "What? Is he kidding me? How much is THAT gonna cost? The rabbit, his cage, and a month's supply of food only cost me $19.99! Isn't it obvious that the rabbit's dying! Wouldn't it be easier, cheaper, and more humane to just put the poor thing to sleep?"
Gently holding my sick rabbit in his arms, the doctor waited for my response.
Seeing this man trying to heal my sick rabbit when I just wanted the rabbit to die made me feel like a monster so instead of telling the truth about what I thought, a feeble,"ok" came out of my mouth.
I regretted my decision instantly when a flash of my husband's reaction to spending our hard earned money trying to keep a rabbit alive popped into my head.
The vet called the next day to tell me that the rabbit's condition was the same, but I could continue oral antibiotics for the next couple of days to see if his condition improved. Again I thought, "What? Wouldn't it be easier and cheaper and more humane to just put the poor thing to sleep?", but instead of telling the truth, a feeble "ok" came out of my mouth.
I walked into the waiting room feeling angry and annoyed that my rabbit was still alive until I saw all of the concerned pet owners seemingly prepared to try any means to keep their furry family members alive and well. Again, "monster!" came to mind so I paid my large bill, took my still sick rabbit and costly medication home, and watched him suffer and die within hours.
Carl Jung said that we lie when the truth feels too dangerous. In other words, it takes more courage to be honest and authentic than it does to be dishonest or fake. Sometimes being honest is just admitting a mistake that you made. Other times it requires leaving a job or a situation that you have outgrown. In my case, my fear of being judged as a "monster" overshadowed my core belief that the rabbit shouldn't be forced to suffer. Staying committed to my truth required the courage to say what I really felt regardless of what anyone thought.
In Yoga Philosophy, one of the yamas or "great vows" that we commit to is satya. Satya means truthfulness. Patanjali said that, "all of nature loves an honest person". The practice of yoga teaches us to have an inward focus so that we won't be distracted by another person's opinions or judgements. Being connected to our center also reminds us that the truth can change. What was true ten years ago may no longer be true today. If we blindly hold onto beliefs that no longer serve us, what was once a truth becomes a lie.
The most powerful example of a person committed to truth was Mahatma Ghandhi.
Ghandi said that his life was an experiment with truth. His truth was his deep committment to ahimsa or non violence. He created the concept of "satyagraha" which means, "to hold onto truth". By upholding his truth, he led numerous non violent protests which ultimately led to historic changes in the social and political environment in India and South Africa.
In the words of Ghandi, "Truth is God" and "God is Truth". When speaking on the subject, he used the two interchangably.
If we follow the example of this great leader, committing to truth (God) can give us the courage to be honest and authentic without causing harm.
"Wherever you go, there you are." Jon Kabbat-Zinn
Since wherever you go there you are, you better damn well like yourself!
No matter what you do to change your outward appearance or circumstances- new job, new relationship, new nose, new boobs, new city, (the list can go on and on), unless you become aware of what's going on inside of you , you will always take the same old YOU along.
Yoga asks us to turn inward and get to know our TRUE self. Ultimately, the more we differentiate between the REAL us and that inner critic that pretends to be us, the more we will begin to know and love ourselves.
If we aren't aware, we can never get away from the constant chattering part of ourselves. That part of ourselves has a memory like a computer. It records every experience, comment, judgement, and criticism from the outside world. It might even repeat a particular one over and over again just to make sure we don't forget it! It says things like, "You are stupid" "Your nose looks like a beak" "You don't deserve a good relationship" "You can't do THAT".
The goal is to not take THAT you everywhere you go. Who wants to listen to a constantly negative and critical companion all day long? Yoga can teach you to find the REAL you and leave behind that NOT REAL YOU. When you do this, you realize that you are none of those things that the NOT REAL YOU told you that you were, but you are actually smart, have a fine nose, deserve a good relationship, and CAN do it. According to yoga philosophy, the REAL you is loving, peaceful and joyful. We were all born out of and into this simple state and its what connects us to one another. It's our experiences and circumstances that come from outside of ourselves that cover up our ability to stay connected to the part of ourselves that is real.
When we realize this, we become our own best friend instead of our own worst enemy. Once we love ourselves like a best friend, we start to live our lives from this place of love, peace, and joy, and then everything changes (internally and externally). When we begin to become aware of this it no longer matters whether we get a new job, relationship, nose, boobs or city, or if we keep our same old ones, because we have created a good relationship with the self.
So next time that critical "NOT YOU YOU" tells you that you're not enough, remember that wherever you go, there you are so you better love the YOU that you bring along.
The other day I misjudged the speed at which a car was coming and I pulled out in front of it.
As if playing a game of chicken with himself to see how close he could get to me without using his brakes, the driver of the car continued at the same speed until he was literally inches from my bumper. At the same time he held down his horn and I could see him yelling obscenities at me in my rearview mirror.
Initially, I felt bad and I wished for a universal hand signal that meant, "Oops, I'm sorry, my bad!" but his reaction made me angry. I took a couple of deep breaths and reminded myself that, when someone has an outburst of anger directed at me, it usually has absolutely nothing to do with me and everything to do with what's going on inside of them. Taking a moment to remember this instead of reacting with unkindness gave me an opportunity to be compassionate to the suffering of another.
Anger and violence have a strong tendency to spread. More than likely, the road rage stranger was holding onto anger from a previous interaction. It could have happened ten minutes before, ten weeks before, or even ten years before, but it was affecting him in the moment. As a result, he may have over reacted to my pulling out in front of him without full awareness of what he was doing.
All unkind or violent interactions can potentially harm us and cause us to react with the same unkindness or violence towards others.
When we commit to yoga, we are asked to practice restraints (shouldn't dos) and observances (should dos).
These ethical practices form the first two limbs of the eight limbed path of yoga and are called the yamas and the niyamas.
The first and most important "ethical practice" is ahimsa which means, to "do no harm". Nicolai Bachman, author of, The Path of the Yoga Sutras, says that " Each person has the potential to be kind or to be mean.... practicing the eight limbs of yoga strengthens our kindness and weakens our meaness."
Ahimsa takes awareness, strength, and practice because we may have to let others angry or hurtful outbursts pass through us instead of "fighting back" so that the unkindness doesn't have an opportunity to spread. In other words, if we don't engage or participate in another's unkindness, hopefully it won't escalate any further.
I am not saying that we shouldn't defend ourselves against physical violence, but I am saying that when people are unkind, it is often best to take a step back, breathe and resist the urge to take another's unkind thoughts, words, or actions personally. Remember that hurt people, hurt people.
Spreading kindness and compassion through your thoughtful actions can help to heal yourself as well as others. So always remember the father of modern medicine and great healer Hippocrates' advice and "above all else, do no harm."
When I was little, I was very quiet. People used to say to me, "Whats the matter? Cat got your tongue?"
I'm still more of a listener than a talker and until recently, I thought that my tendency to be on the quieter side gave me the ability to be a good listener. I mean, if I am not talking, I must be listening right?
When I put my theory to the test however, I didn't do as well as I thought. When I tried to pay attention to and HEAR every word that my friend was saying, I realized how often my mind wanted to interject, to assert itself with an idea, an opinion, some advice.
So even though I wasn't talking, I wasn't really listening either. I was actually talking in my head, formulating my response, comparing her story to mine. When I got really honest with myself, I realized that I was making my friend's conversation about me.
To be a good listener requires that we drop our ego. If we want to listen, hear, and really know someone, it's important that we let go of judging their thoughts, comparing theirs to ours, making them right or wrong. If we listen with an open mind and heart and then repeat their thoughts back to them without our own preconceptions, comparisons and thoughts mixed in (our me), it's a way of affirming that we heard what they said without judgment.
Most often, people just want to be heard. They don't necessarily need or want to be fixed.
Allowing another person to find a solution to their own problems helps them to get stronger and grow. When we find a solution for them, they weaken.
Yoga teaches us to pay attention to ourselves, to listen to our inner guidance. Yoga philosophy says that all the answers to our questions are inside of us. We all have an INNER KNOWING that we can access when we get very clear and quiet. This is our parusha, our higher mind, our Divine self.
We don't always hear this inner guidance through all the chatter going on in our minds. We often look outward for guidance, see what others are doing, compare our choices to theirs, and ask advice to anyone we can think of. This outward seeking takes us farther away from hearing that still small voice inside of us.
On our yoga mat, our asana practice teaches us to pay attention to the wisdom of our physical bodies. Our unconscious habits and patterns, in other words, our lack of listening, created our physical issues in the first place.
When we take our yoga practice off the mat, we recognize that our unconscious patterns and habits in our mental and emotional bodies may have also created issues in our lives. This awareness can help us to break free of these habitual responses and create new and healthier ones.
The eight limbed path of yoga encourages us to pay attention, turn inward, and listen closely to our inner wisdom. When our actions are inspired by our highest self, we create a happier and more joyful life.
In the Four Agreements; A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, Don Miguel Ruiz says to "be impeccable with
your word". This is a lofty goal, but definitely one to aspire to.
We should never underestimate the power that our words have.
They can heal, create, soothe, and join people together.
They can also hurt, destroy, weaken, and tear people apart.
Most likely, at least once, every one of us has put our foot in our mouth, spilled a secret that we promised not
to tell, gossiped behind someone's back, or hurt someone with our words. In the heat of the moment we
often forget that what we say, and we can't take it back.
We can back peddle, apologize, try to pretend we didn't actually say it, but often these remedies are like putting
a teeny tiny bandaid on a giant gaping wound. The sting of our words can do damage that lasts for a very
Being impeccable with your word requires mindfulness.
Observe yourself for a few days and you will learn what your tendencies are. Do you talk to fill the air?
Do you speak impulsively? Do you choose your words carefully or do you choose your words
To make sure that your words don't cause unnecessary harm, a good rule of thumb is to practice the
Three Gates of Speech. Asking yourself the following three questions will take you through a process to
ensure that the words you are about to say are chosen carefully and with thoughtfulness.
Is it true?
This can be tricky. When we were kids we would play the telephone game. The first person would
whisper something in someone's ear and that person would repeat what they heard to the next person.
This would go around the circle until the last person would share what they had heard. There was always
an eruption of laughter when the first person revealed what they really said.
Unless it is your story to tell or it is an undisputed fact, most repeated stories.....ie, gossip, are NOT true, so
don't repeat them. If what you are about to say is true, you can open the first gate, but you must get through
the next two gates before you speak.
Is it kind?
We all know whether what we are about to say is kind or not. Sometimes we say hurtful things and say we
didn't mean it, but we always mean it on some level. What good does it do to hurt someone on purpose?
Like my mom said, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.
Sounds pretty simple but there are exceptions to every rule, which leads to the last gate of speech.
Is it necessary?
This is the "gate" that requires the most mindfulness before stepping through. Sometimes we find ourselves
in a predicament. Should we tell our friend the truth of what we know even if it will be painful for him or her
to hear? Even if it may risk her relationship with another? Even if we aren't certain what the consequences
will be. That's the thirty million dollar question. There is no simple answer, but a heart felt and well thought
out process will help you make your decision.
Most spiritual practices teach the importance of right and honest speech. In the Yoga Sutras, Patanjali
says, "When established in truthfulness, everything one says comes true."
Aspiring to say only what is true, kind, and necessary is an excellent way to stay true to yourself and others.
This weekend I was fortunate to spend time with my adorable little nieces.
I watched in amazement as they practiced all of the new skills that they learned since the last time I saw them.
With support and encouragement from their parents, they learned how to take their shoes off and put them back on, color on paper instead of the walls, kick a ball across the yard, and say please and thank you when offered a snack.
As I marveled at these precious little creatures, I thought to myself, "practice makes perfect". I quickly modified that thought to, "well, almost perfect" when I saw the mischevious two and a half year old getting ready to color my couch a beautiful shade of crayola purple.
Anything that we do over and over again, we get better at.
It might be a skill like playing the piano, knitting a sweater, or playing golf. It might be a behavior like saying please and thank you, holding the door for someone, or exercising daily.
If we do anything often enough, it will become a habit. It might even become ingrained or automatic....something that we just do.
My nieces will eventually say please and thank you and put on their shoes without being prompted by their parents. Our golf swing will start to feel more natural, and our exercise routine will be a part of our daily lives.
The good news is; whatever we practice we get better at. The bad news is; whatever we practice we get better at.
We can unwittingly get better at things that we don't necessarily want to get better at.
If we often show up to work irritable or angry, we will get better at it. If we are afraid to try something new or step out of our comfort zone often enough, we get better at it. If we lose our temper with our kids each time they annoy us, we get better at that too.
Like the Olympic athletes who practice their sport so often that it becomes part of who they are, the state of mind that we practice often enough becomes part of who we are.
According to yoga philosophy, our natural state is one of peacefullness. Through the stilling of the craziness of the mind we will be able to discover this truth.
Yoga Sutra 1.12 says " these mental modifications (craziness of the mind) are restrained by practice (abhyasa) and non attachment (vairagya)."
Yoga Philosophy teaches that when we practice the eight limbs of yoga and let go of the results of our efforts, we will acheive this state of yoga or union with the self.
We can apply these wise teachings to everything that we want to get better at in our lives.
When my nieces payed attention to the process of putting on their shoes instead of being distracted by the goal of getting outside, the process of putting on their shoes was perfect. Their shoes were on the right feet and fastened securely. Staying focused on the task at hand, instead of the final outcome allowed them to get outside more quickly.
When we stay in the present moment and turn our attention inward on a regular basis, we will be more aware of our own "practices". With this knowledge, we can choose to practice only those things that we would like to get better at.
Each time we find ourselves getting better at anger, judgement, gossip, or fear, we have the ability to change that state of mind and instead choose to get better at patience, acceptance, compassion, and courage.
Sri. K. Pattabhi Jois, founder of Ashtanga Yoga said "Do your practice and all is coming."
This simple statement encourages us to commit to our practice and have faith that devoting ourselves to something greater will ultimately bring us exactly what we need.
"To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown from the nest." Pema Chodron
There are times in all of our lives that can feel like we have been thrown out of our nest or pushed beyond what we feel comfortable with.
Maybe it's a small thing.... We are asked to give a speech at a wedding despite our fear of public speaking.
Maybe it's a big thing.... We get laid off from our job or get divorced after fifteen years.
Maybe it's a huge thing....We get sick or we lose someone that we love.
Every single one of us will experience discomfort, pain, or maybe even agony at sometime in our lives.
We may try to avoid pain and make our decisions based on staying comfortable and safe. This is possible and necessary sometimes, but other times it is impossible to protect ourselves or those we love from the often painful challenges that life can bring.
The father of Siddhartha Gautama wanted his son to be protected from the pain and suffering of humanity so he kept the young prince in total but lavish exclusion. His every need was taken care of by his many servants. The prince became restless with his extravagant lifestyle and went to see what was beyond the walls of the kingdom.
He quickly saw the reality of life and his heart opened up to the pain and suffering of others. He spent the next several years of his life trying to learn how to relieve universal suffering. He tried rigorous ascetic practices, strict meditation, extreme fasting, and various religious studies in an attempt to find wisdom, transcend his physical body, and achieve freedom from suffering.
He finally came to the realization that suffering is a part of life and one must not follow a path of extremism to avoid being fully awake and alive, but one must follow a path of balance which he called, "The Middle Way". After this realization, Siddhartha attained enlightenment and earned the title Buddha. He spent the rest of his life selflessly and compassionately helping others achieve enlightenment as well.
Like Siddhartha Gautama, experiencing and being a witness to pain in our lives can transform us into wise, selfless, and compassionate people if we choose to use our pain and discomfort for growth.
We can let our challenges and difficulties destroy us, or we can use them to build strength, courage, wisdom, and confidence.
Pushing ourselves to do things that make us uncomfortable will make us better able to adapt to the bigger challenges that we might face in life.
Maybe it's pushing ourselves to do a small thing like volunteering to give a speech at a wedding, despite our fear of public speaking.
Maybe it's pushing ourselves to do a big thing like leaving a job or relationship that isn't right for us after fifteen years.
Maybe it's pushing ourselves to do a huge thing like offering to take care of someone who is sick or counseling those who have lost a loved one.
When we jump out of the nest instead of being pushed, we gain confidence in our own ability to use our wings to gracefully navigate the turbulence of life in a way that lets us know we are fully alive, completely awake, and fully human.
There is a story about a Zen master who takes his student to the edge of a pond and asks him how many fish he sees.
The student looks in the pond and says, "I see ten."
The master says, "Good, now how many ponds do you see?"
The student is a bit surprised by the obvious question, but he answers, "There is one pond master." The master says, "Count again."
The student looks at the single pond in front of him and is perplexed by the question. After some time and reflection, he finds the answer. "Master, there are ten ponds. Each fish has their own pond through which they see the world."
The Zen story teaches that we each have our own unique and sometimes limited perspective on the world as a result of our experiences, upbringing, teachers, etc. (our own pond). It is from this place that we interact with others.
In the Four Agreements, A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, the second agreement says,
"Don't take things personally; What others say and do is a projection of their own reality. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be a victim of needless suffering."
When you don't take things personally, if someone hurts you, judges you, or is unkind, you will know that it is because they are seeing you through their limited perspective which is directly affected by their state of happiness or unhappiness. ie... They are projecting what is going on inside of their hearts and minds onto you.
Understanding this can help you avoid taking to heart what others think and say about you, which can leave you feeling wounded and unhappy. We are all ultimately responsible only for what goes on in our own minds and hearts.
Not taking things personally doesn't mean that you will not react or take action when someone hurts you, but you will be clear and responsible for the actions that you take. Sometimes the best action to take is to speak up against those who have hurt you, other times the best action is to just walk away.
Being hurt by another is never easy, but if we attack the one who hurt us or close our hearts in fear, we are perpetuating the belief that what was said or done was about us. In reality it is always a direct reflection of the person who said it and has nothing to do with us at all.
Forgiving another for the pain they have caused and having compassion for their limitations will help us to heal our wounds more quickly and move on.
Being aware and mindful of our own personal "pond" is a constant practice that when attended to will bring us more happiness, peace, love, and joy.
All Abhyasa Ahimsa Aparigraha Asmita-Ego Attachment Baron Baptiste Beginner's Mind Bramacharya Carl Jung Clear Seeing Colorless Comfortable Discomfort Creating Spaciousness In Mind And Body Cultivate The Opposite Deepak Chopra Dharma Empty Your Cup Enthusiasm Equanimity Family Fight Or Flight Great Vows Inner-awareness Inner Critic John Kabbatzinnb2faff332d Listening Mirrors To Ourselves Monkey Hunting Non Stealing Patanjali Pause Pillar Pleasure And Pain Posseses Us Practice Pratipaksa Bhavana Pratyahara Present Moment Present Moment Awareness Respond Instead Of React Samadhi Samskara Santosha Satya Sauca Sensual Pleasures Shadow Side Spirituality Steadiness And Ease Sthira And Sukha Strength Sustained Attention Svadhyaya There You Are Thich Nat Hahn This Too Shall Pass True Self Uncertainty Universal Truth What We Possess Wherever You Go Wisdom Yoga Philosophy Yoga Sutra 1. 14 Yoga Sutra 1.33 Yoga Sutra 2.33 Yoga Sutra 2 37cfe9965fa2 Yoga Sutra 2. 46 Yoga Sutras